Interviews with You!: Rachel Bushong and her life in the USA

The world is so small these days it’s daunting but it’s also wonderful and should give people hope

This week I had an opportunity to talk to my friend Rachel about her experience traveling to and eventually moving to the USA. We met a number of years ago in Paris due to a mutual interest in an internet comedy group known as Mega64 and then at some related events in California years later. Since that time Rachel has gotten married and resides in San Diego, I wanted to learn a little bit about that process and how she feels the US compares to life in the UK.

Could you introduce yourself to us, where are you from, where do you live.

I’m Rachel Bushong, I’m from Cheshire in England, and I live in San Diego, California. 

Were you always keen on traveling to other countries or did that come later in your life?

I didn’t get to go on many holidays as a kid because my family’s business was mainly active during the summer so I always wanted to travel! I went to France a few times in my teens, Portugal and Spain each once, and then New York when I was 16 which was amazing!

What was your perception of the US before you went there, do you feel you had any misconceptions?

I think the first time I went when I was 16 I was surprised about how almost over-polite they were – everyone would say an enthusiastic “you’re welcome!” if you said thank you for anything, it was really strange to me! California has been essentially just as I imagined, although I think I was surprised to see so much propaganda for political parties just on peoples’ houses, like big Trump flags.

You don’t see that in the UK really, no one’s mad enough to plaster their house in Boris Johnson posters (probably). 

It’s fair to say you are interested in Cosplay, in fact I think we both attended the same Anime convention in London and likely crossed paths before we actually knew each other. What is it that you enjoy about cosplay and the wider con experience?

I love making costumes, it’s always such a challenge! The best part is just having a blast with friends for a whole weekend, meeting new people and just having a great time, but doing that dressed up as a character you love just adds to it somehow! 

I imagine you have been to some conventions in the US, do you feel the experience differs from that of the UK?

It’s really different, the UK cons (at least the smaller fan organised ones) are all about the big parties and I feel like the focus at American cons seems to be the activities, like panels and the games room. I haven’t had UK con-style experience in America yet but we’ve done more parties in hotel rooms or going out for karaoke when I’ve been to cons in the US. 

Would you say you are still as interested in the Anime community now as you were when you were younger?

Not to the same degree. When I was a teenager I really took solace there because I was a weird kid, I was bullied a lot, and it was much easier to talk to people who I already had a common ground with. I found my confidence in that environment and the older I got the less I needed to use my interests as a crutch to help me socialise, so I lost interest for a few years and stopped attending the bigger cons like MCM Expo. I got a bit judgemental for a while and tried to distance myself from my “weeaboo past” but more recently I started going again because the opportunities to see friends around the country became fewer, and honestly it was refreshing to be surrounded by people with so much passion for their interests. 

With COVID-19 being around I would imagine the Con experience has all but disappeared but are there any you are looking forward to in the future?

I was devastated last year, we were all looking forward to Anime Expo in LA so much!! I will definitely go to the next one if I can, and I’d love to go to ColossalCon someday!

We both met through the Mega64 community at an event called Euro Gamedays at Disneyland in Paris, while there were only around 6 of us at the time I had such a great time and felt welcomed into the community right away. I soon began attending the main Gamedays events in California. I think my parents were a bit freaked out by the concept of meeting people abroad, would you say the reaction was the same for you?

I’m so glad you had a nice time and that it encouraged you to come to the proper one! I think they probably were worried the first time, a young woman travelling alone to meet strangers from the internet isn’t exactly a parent’s idea of safety, but I showed my mum videos of the events and of the Mega64 guys ahead of time to give them an idea of who they were and what I was doing. I think it helped that it was at Disneyland! It doesn’t get much safer than that really.

Someone was shot at LAX the morning after I arrived to Orange County airport and I think that spooked them a bit but I stayed in contact the whole time. It also helped that there were other girls going who I’d already spoken to online, they trust me to be sensible but having other women around was a comfort too. 

Did you find it was a daunting experience to travel across the world to meet people you may have only spoken to online, can you remember the first time you arrived at Gamedays in California?

It was quite daunting! I’d never travelled anywhere abroad alone before, but I’d already met Fernando and I got messages from people like Stevie B and, funnily enough, Kevin ahead of my trip so I knew I would have people to hang out with! I remember it really vividly and I think the most nerve-racking time was the morning before I went down to the hotel lobby and met other people. I couldn’t eat properly for DAYS, my stomach was in knots from nerves and excitement! 

I think being a part of the Mega64 community had been a great opportunity for me to meet new people, although I’ve been absent for a few years there are still those I keep in contact with and have made lifelong friendships with, how has being a part of this community changed you?

It’s fantastic that the community really welcomes people in, I’m so glad you had a similar experience finding lifelong friends!  I met my future husband at that first event and now I live on a different continent – it doesn’t get more drastically different than that does it! I also made lifelong friends who inspire me constantly and I think I’m a lot more confident in myself now; the whole experience of coming here the first time, navigating a long-distance relationship and moving my entire life abroad, all of it has been a challenge which has taught me what I’m capable of. 

We both met our partners in some way through the internet, did you ever imagine you’d be able to meet your future husband this way? Do you feel the world is much more open these days in terms of meeting new people?

I could never have imagined this – before Kevin I didn’t even think I would ever get married! Kev and I talked about this once, the idea that if we’d been born 60 years ago we might never have had the chance to meet. The world is so small these days it’s daunting but it’s also wonderful and should give people hope…no one should settle in an unhappy relationship because there is a whole world of people out there! 

While you and your husband were dating you were for most parts of the year across the world from each other, how did you find that experience? Now that you are married do you think the saying is true that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’?

It was very hard for me especially, I’m impatient and hedonistic so I struggled with the time apart more than Kevin, who is patience personified. It felt like every other week he was having to calm me down from crying sometimes! He was worth the wait though. The saying is very true, but being together all the time teaches you a whole new kind of love, something comforting and grounding. 

Was there a particular point where you decided you wanted to move to the US to be with Kevin or was it a decision made on his end?

I think I wanted to move here after the first 2 week holiday I spent here after becoming a couple! We had to be sensible though, I decided to take a different approach to my life in England after that trip in order to give us the chance to test whether we thought it could work. My parents let me live at home rent-free and I took only temp jobs so that I could return to the US and stay for 2 months at a time, that seemed like long enough to become “normal” rather than have it feel like a big holiday. I thought we’d try that out for a year or two…but it ended up being four years before we took the big plunge! 

How was the process of getting married In the US?

Complicated. We went the route of getting a K1 fiancée visa (like 90 Day Fiancée) rather than getting married first and getting the spouse visa because it seemed like the way USCIS would prefer you to do things. The wait between submitting the HUGE paperwork folder and getting any kind of response from USCIS was torture! It only took about 6 months in the end though – once I was offered the embassy interview everything suddenly just happened and before I knew it I was here! The wedding part was the easiest, we had a perfect small ceremony and party; I couldn’t have asked for a better wedding day. 

Did you find the prospect of living in another country scary? I know I did when I moved to Australia.

I think I was quite cavalier about it until I actually got here! I was excited more than anything but once I got here having to figure out health insurance and the green card paperwork was stressful. I’m still not allowed to work yet and that’s hanging over me like a black cloud, I’m really nervous about finding a job and how different that process might be here, but I’ve got people to help me if I need it so I’m not going through any of this alone. I imagine it was much more intimidating going to Australia by yourself! 

How has COVID-19 impacted your experience of the US over the last year?

I was really looking forward to starting my life here, we had so many plans to enjoy the freedom of me not being able to work for a while, go to conventions and hang out with friends, travel around, make new friends and take classes, all sorts of things. Like everyone else sadly those plans had to be put to rest and I spent nearly the entire year just in the house. I don’t feel like I really live here yet! I empathise with your wife Aya hugely because we’ve been in a really similar position. 

I have to say I think you may be the only person I know that is so into Eurovision, it’s actually cool to see how you’ve got others involved on twitter. What is it about Eurovision that you like the most and what would you say to those on the fence about wanting to get into it. I’m in the camp that only really knew when Lordi won in 2006 with Hard Rock Hallelujah.

Is Eurovision something that you find Americans are aware of?

Haha I’m also the only person I know who is into Eurovision to this level of obsessiveness! I’m an absolute sucker for languages and accents so getting to hear music from around the continent (and beyond) is really refreshing! I was just like everyone else before, I loved it because it was usually so silly and weird – where else would you see a band of men dressed as demons winning an international song competition? But at some point I found out the songs got released way ahead of the contest and I started listening on Spotify to find the weird ones and suddenly I was like “this music is great, it’s making me feel so happy” and I was hooked. It’s like a sport to me now, I make predictions and get really invested in “my winner”! 

Eurovision is just pure joy; it’s a celebration of Europe as a community not just a collection of countries, it celebrates our differences as much as our similarities. I’d say to anyone who wanted to get into it: go in with an open mind, it’s changed so much in the last decade and it’s not as kitschy now. Also it’s NOT that political! That comment drives me mad. 

I’d say 99% of Americans had never heard of it until that Will Ferrell movie came out last year, and even then I think a lot of people who watched it thought he made it up for the film! Ryan had to tell someone he spoke to at work that it was a real thing apparently. The American Song Contest is going to take place in 2022 so they’re bound to think they invented it soon! 😛

Where would you say is your favourite place in the US and why?

I’ve only been to New York, Austin, Vegas, LA and San Diego but San Diego is my favourite place. We have perfect weather, the overall attitude here is very chill, and we have every kind of landscape you could think of: mountains, desert, a vibrant city, beaches, parks, forests. 

Is there anywhere in the US that you’ve yet to visit that you hope to visit soon?

I really want to visit my friends in Oklahoma and West Virginia! Kevin and I have been talking about doing a massive roadtrip at some point so we’d get to see much more of the US that way. Also we never got to have our honeymoon so we’re very excited to get vaccinated and go back to Disney World soon! 

I think a lot of people believe the USA and the UK are totally different and while there may be some differences, have you noticed any similarities that were unexpected?

I can’t think of any honestly, I think I’m too programmed to look for the differences to notice what’s very similar!

I think the UK is known for its slang, do you find people in the US have no idea what you’re talking about when you use it?

VERY often I find myself not being understood! Things I never thought were UK-specific have totally taken me by surprise. For example, I was playing with my D&D group and the DM introduced this item called the Wind-Up Merchant (literally a little coin-operated wind-up dude who sells items) and I laughed, no one understood why and I had to explain the double meaning (that a wind-up merchant is someone who enjoys getting people riled up, a “troll” for your non-UK readers!). It happens more often than I ever expected!

Do you feel America has any slang that’s unique to the country or do you feel that because of American media it trickles through to other countries?

I think the moment a new American slang term gets used online, all English-speaking countries know it. I’m sure there is plenty of slang in different parts of the US that I’ve never come across though, just as there is in the UK! Dialect slang in particular, stuff that doesn’t make it to the internet or TV as easily. 

Is there anything you feel the UK could learn from the US and vice versa?

The UK could learn to think positively, that’s a huge difference between our two countries! As a nation I think we’re very cynical and negative, we definitely don’t have the same built-in optimism on a national level. On the other hand, the US could be a bit more discerning and self-aware – patriotism and nationalism are two sides of the same coin and it’s a dangerously fine line to walk sometimes. We have some of that in the UK too though. 

How do you feel the family experience differs from the UK if at all?

I don’t know if it’s the overall family experience or just the drastic difference between mine and Kevin’s family. My family are big on banter and arguments and have this unbridled openness with each other, Kevin’s family are a lot uhhhh nicer to each other haha but they’re all more independent. 

I have to ask, as a Brit is there a big difference between Thanksgiving and Xmas day?

Again I think it depends on your family!

Thanksgiving for us is really like Christmas without the presents – we have the family over, eat a big turkey dinner, and play games and chat until they go home. My Christmas at home is like that but we dress up a bit nicer than we usually would and we usually end up watching the Strictly Come Dancing Christmas special or something and laugh at my grandad while he falls asleep mid-conversation with his mouth wide open. Because of Thanksgiving, our Christmas here is a bit different – we do the family stuff on Christmas Eve (and eat lamb instead of turkey) but Christmas Day is like a non-event which is a little sad for me. Once Kev and I have our own place I think we’ll make some new proper traditions to make it feel like a real Christmas. 

Are the portion sizes really always miles bigger than the UK?

Usually yes, you really do get serious value for money at restaurants here! Plus free refills everywhere – we need to implement that in the UK because £3.50 for just one coke is ludicrous! What if I’m still thirsty??

Are there any aspects of UK life that you miss?

I miss my family and friends, I miss being able to find certain foods and resources that I didn’t realise would be hard to find here, I miss BBC TV, I miss getting the train to Manchester or London…there are lots of things that are more complicated or different here, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. 

What would you like to achieve in the US?

I just want to finally start my adult life, you know? I’ve sort of been in limbo since I was 23 and now I’m 31. I really just want to own a house, have some pets, get a job that I find fulfilling and finally learn to drive so I can have some independence. 

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I don’t do that – life is unpredictable and ever-changing so I don’t look too far ahead. You never know what’s coming. If I have a nice home with Kevin, some kind of financial stability, and at least 2 cats I’ll be content.